


Bilberry

by blackShadow15



Series: A Full Field of Flowers [1]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, Arum's eyes, Bouquet - Freeform, Damien Needs A Hug, Damien being Damine, Damien's mind is just to active for his own good, Fascination, Multi, Panic Attacks, Polygamy, Second Citadel (Penumbra Podcast), anciety, angelo is a good friend, flowery language, set somewhere between Landy of the Lake and The Sportive Nymphs, sort of we're not fully there yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:54:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26735452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackShadow15/pseuds/blackShadow15
Summary: Damien's dreams, his thoughts, his every waking moment were normally filled with Rilla.
Relationships: Lord Arum/Sir Damien (Penumbra Podcast), Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla (Penumbra Podcast), Sir Damien/Rilla (Penumbra Podcast)
Series: A Full Field of Flowers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1945894
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Bilberry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fionir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fionir/gifts).



Damien's dreams, his thoughts, his every waking moment were normally filled with Rilla. Her dark, long, rich hair that flowed over her brown, sun kissed shoulders. Her dark eyes, deep as the Lake of Tranquillity and warm as a summer night. Always full of curiosity and wonder, intelligent and seeing every part of Damien, as it is, without any fault. Sometimes Damien was just happy to have met her, to be allowed to love her, to be loved by her. Sometimes he questioned her decisions; because whatever could someone so perfect, so utterly without any fault, someone brighter than the sun and stars themselves, want with him? He was sure that someday Rilla, his Rilla, his forever flower, would come to her senses and realise that Damien was not worth the trouble. He might be imagining things; he probably was; his mind always had been too active for his own good, jumping like a bunny on the run from a quick-witted fox; slithering over uneven ground with every sidestep, threatening to stumble, to fall, to tumble down, down... He had been like this as long as he could remember. 'Oh Saint, please…' He breathed, the life stuttering in and out his lungs; filled his own air with prayers; but he could not stop worrying. Especially – only ever when – Rilla was not with him. He was not jealous, that was not him, such feelings were beneath him. He knew Rilla would never do something to hurt him on purpose. As Damien would never do something to hurt Rilla. It was just that he could not think of a life without Rilla in it. Because without Rilla he felt incomplete, like a kettle without a fire to be lit on, like a bee without its queen, like a knight that had no kingdom, no people to serve. He felt lost and confused and the longing for Rilla, her attentive gaze, her loving touch, her calm and gentle voice, got so strong it made his heart hurt, like it would shatter without Rilla to bind it together. Two in unity. Strong. Simple.

'We will get through this forest, my friend and find her,' Sir Angelo said, his loud, booming voice so familiar in Damien's ear, that it alone was more comfort than any words said with it ever could be. Damien smiled, small and weak. He had no strength left to put any big feeling into it, but he was thankful. Thankful for Angelo's presence and his optimism. His friend and rival had the drive, the strength to move forward without any doubt, showing a single-mindedness to Damien's affair that normally only Damien himself would possess. But over the course of the last weeks all his mind could be filled with was doubt, mostly directed at himself. Doubt that only grew with every second he was parted from Rilla and every dream that was filled with violet eyes.

Damien bit his tongue to get rid of the irritating thought and stared into the bonfire in between them. The flames licked on blackening wood, cracking high and bright and Damien felt like he himself was timber slowly devoured by the fire of his emotions. All that waiting, the searching, the not knowing, it made him anxious, unravelled his nerves and stretched them thin, like a loose thread caught on a stray branch. He felt too much all at once. He always felt too much all at once. That was why being with Rilla was easy, soothing, because the love he felt for her washed all the other feelings away and then it was just Rilla on his mind again, his Rilla. But now, without her, there was so much going on in his head, his chest. Remorse. Guilt. Longing. Anger. Hate? His Rilla had been taken, by that fiendish creature, he had spared, because of what? Something human in his eyes? His violet eyes. Damien had been so foolish to believe there could be kindness in a monster, even though he was a knight, and slaying monsters was his duty. He should have never wavered in the first place. Should have acted the first time they met. But still... even now, when his Rilla was in danger, he could not, he should, but he still was-

‘Oh Saint Damien’ _ ,  _ he pleaded, ‘give me your tranquillity. Your tranquility.’ Because without it, Damien was sure he would lose his mind soon enough.

'Fear not my friend,' Sir Angelo said and Damien realised his friend must have been speaking for a while now, without Damien listening to any of it. How rude of him. How impolite. How discourteously. Not to listen to the one person standing with him through all of this.

'We will slay that evil lizard! No one will be able to stand in our way! With my strength and your mind, every one opposing us must be an utter fool.'

Damien laughed, a dry, coughing sound, to cover the 'lizard' that tried to escape him.

'There you might be right, Sir Angelo, my friend,' he said, but his heart was not in it.

It was difficult to speak his heart with all the thoughts spiraling in his head. It had always been easy to speak his heart, to Angelo at least, and to Rilla. But now Damien feared the words would betray him, spill his little secret out to the world. His treacherous heart. He feared he would talk too much about violet eyes and green scales, about sharp wits, and clawed yet gentle hands, that ripped off part of a violet cloak and bandaged his arm. Violet, everything about him was always violet and exotic like a rare, unfamiliar flower. Beautiful and dangerous. Could a monster be kind, feel love, understand someone else's feelings? But then he kidnapped Rilla, his Rilla, so was that not a proof that they did not? And even if they did, that would not change the fact that Damien was feeling something he should not. That the thunder of his heart and excitement of his body were right. Damien should not react in this kind of way. Not towards a man, not towards a monster, not towards anyone but Rilla. But he did. His treacherous heart did, even just at the thought of Lord Arum. Hammered in his chest, as if it wanted to gain wings, break free, and show him the way. To his Rilla. To Arum. And he could not tell anyone. He never could tell anyone. No matter how hard he wanted to speak his heart. Because they would all judge – even more than Damien judged himself – would laugh, would be disgusted, would call him a disgrace. And then he would be all alone. Rilla would understand. Would tell him everything would turn out okay. Right? She would not judge. She never judged. No matter how convoluted Damian's mind got. 

_ Oh Saint Damien,  _ Damien thought. But there was no use in praying for tranquillity. There was no way Damien would feel tranquill ever again. Because Rilla was not here to understand. Rilla was with Lord Arum. Lord... Arum... And Damien has been parted from her for weeks- weeks now. And his thoughts… his dreams...

Damien's dreams, his thoughts, his every waking moment were normally filled with Rilla. Her dark, long, rich hair that flowed over her brown, sun kissed shoulders. Her dark eyes, deep as the Lake of Tranquillity and warm as a summer night. Always full of curiosity and wonder, cunning and seeing every part of Damien, as it is, without any fault. But now there was a second set of eyes beside Rilla's that filled Damien's mind. And that set was deep and stunning violet, sparkling like amethysts, full of strength and pride. It was framed by sturdy looking scales, green as the swamp their owner called his home. And Damien had never felt so lost before.

**Author's Note:**

> So first of all I wrote this because I had to cope with the extensive feeling this pairing gives me. I started this short when I was I think at The Treacherous heart and wrote the first draft around that time. I’m currently around the start of the third season, and some things have changed through the knowledge I gained. But I wanted this to stay mostly the same as it was at the start, because listening to the stuff they go through is an experience and this is still mostly me coping. 
> 
> I got Fionir to beta it, and got her to listen to the Penumbra in the process, and I’m quite happy with that.
> 
> I hope you like what I have written as I’m at a point at which I think keeping this to me would just be a waste :)


End file.
